*SIGH*

I actually got through all of the Patho material for tomorrow's exam, but when I test myself, I don't remember very much. I am so tired of looking at it. I have studied. And studied. And studied. I can't study Patho anymore tonight. I am completely stressed out because this is one of those classes where they issue you one of those "you're not cut out for nursing school" letters if you don't pass the exam, and I already had that experience (along with a few others) in Biomed and I came *this* close to leaving (or being kicked out) the program. I can't deal with that again. It was too much the last time. But I've given it all I have today, I have to move on to my other classes. (I have 6 classes, not including clinical or labs)

I have started studying for Midwifery Primary Care and it's not too bad. I have the obesity lecture down and don't need to look at it anymore, and I almost have the immunizations lecture down. The dermatology lecture is KILLING me. Everything looks alike. The last lecture for this exam is the abnormal pap lecture which was very dense. I don't know what I'm going to do to study that one. At least that one feels relevant. I don't think I am going to be the kind of CNM that does a lot of "primary care" as far as non-gyn related issues. I hope to work in a setting that also has FNPs and MDs, because I am just not interested in ear infections, managing you hyperlipidemia, rashes, and mental health treatment. I want to talk to you about your issues, but if you "fail" the mental health depression screening, more than likely I'm going to refer you to a mental health specialist, rather than give you some meds. I don't even want to go there doing eye exams, ear exams, and asthma management. CNMs who read this blog: To what extent do youo provide non-gyn related primary care? (I don't think non-CNM midwives are technically "primary care providers, are they? Someone correct me if I'm wrong...)

Then I have to bring the man back to school with me tonight to practice my HEENT (head, ears, eyes, nose & throat), respiratory, and heart physical exams on him in the lab for my physical assessment lab exam which I am not even close to being ready for.

At some point I have to prepare for a lunch meeting tomorrow. Plus the annual midwifery potluck tomorrow evening. All three classes of midwives and their SOs, plus faculty, come to this potluck. 2nd year students give first year students folders that we make with encouragement for their upcoming midwifery journey (which I haven't made yet...it involves copying all the pages from the folder that was given to me and adding the new contents from my class and putting in a folder with some kind of decoration that I have not yet found) I also have to cook something for the potluck...where am I going to find the energy for this stuff?

I don't know.