Breathe Easy, You've Found Me ((HUGS))

People will wonder why this blog is needed, why minority midwifery student? It's very simple actually; I was looking for this blog...but I couldn't find I created it. We all have unique experiences, and every experience, every story, can help someone else. I am a black girl from the hood at an ivy league professional school. That, alone, is reason enough to write. Somebody was looking for this blog. Someone wanted proof that what I'm doing can be done - even when you come from where we come from.

To that person especially, WELCOME.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Bridge Poem (Me Winding Down)

I took my Patho exam as scheduled yesterday, and my advanced physical assessment lab exam (where you do a physical exam of a random system on your partner) today. I pulled "neuromuscular" so that's the 30 minute exam I had to do on my partner. It included things like testing all of the cranial nerves, sensory function tests, motor function tests, etc. I'm glad the exams for this week are over and done. I owe myself one day (or at least a few hours) of winding down...of taking back possession of my thoughts. Do I still have thoughts of my own? Nursing/Midwifery/Graduate school in general will really make you question whether you know anything at all. Some days I'm not even sure I know the color of my own shirt...even when looking right at it! It's like if "they" come tell me that it's not grey...even though I know it is...I might actually question whether I'm wrong. Now, it's not really a big deal when it's the color of your shirt, but when it's, say, your identity, your sense of self, it gets a little scarier....another post for another time...

For now, let's see if I can still write a decent sentence (or two) about something other than how Prader Willi syndrome is due to a deletion of the father's portion of chromosome 15 (aka: how come they never ask you the shit you do know on the exam?) Anyway.

A couple days ago I said "The Bridge Poem" was one of my favorite poems. Dark Daughta asked why. I haven't ever really thought about "why," other than to recognize that the first time I read it (it was handed to me, I think, at a time when I was in a mentor's office venting about something) I instantly loved it. After that I had to read it out loud, over and over again, and eventually I read it at a poetry reading during a Malcolm X Festival.

When I read it, I see myself. What is it that makes me feel responsible for translating for people? How often have people asked me to translate vs. my volunteering myself for the task based on my assumption that I can and should? I don't know, it might be about equal. People are not afraid to ask (or they overcome their fear, similar to when Sage Femme asked me if it was rude to ask someone (me) to teach her about racism, which is in itself a request of me to be a bridge between the uncomfortableness of addressing racism head-on, viscerally, and the safety of her self-acknowledged privilege) I didn't mind offering a starting point. Why? Because I was thinking, this is a huge topic...where does one start? You could say, "at the beginning," but it has been my personal experience that starting "at the beginning" (ie: at the point where two groups of people first met and started making judgements based on "race") doesn't work...I always, narcissistic or not, have to start with myself, something that fundamentally matters to I thought, pick a book that might allow her to relate through another avenue (Killing the Black Body - for its reproductive rights focus) which also clearly begins a discussion about racism. Her asking the question and my agreeing to be a bridge benefits our profession because the dialogue is running, and her next brown patient will be greeted by a provider with a slightly better understanding of some of the nuances of her life. But was it my responsibility? No, it was not. I could have said, girl please! As if! But I felt personally responsible, and that's something that always comes up when I read the poem.

What I relate to in the poem is the sense of frustration with being the bridge...or, in my case, with my own acceptance of/acquiescing to being the bridge. I feel the exhaustion of playing the role of negotiator, and my irritation is only heightened by the fact that I am not even sure if my negotiations are for the right cause or are being used in the way I intend them to be. As I am explaining myself and my people to classmates, are they hearing it/using it to provide better care? That's one of the reasons I'm offering the information. Or are they using it (ignorantly or purposefully) to the detriment of those seeking care? An example is those "cultural competence" sections of health care read these excerpts about different cultures, and it's supposed to help you give better care to patients that come from these different backgrounds...but the problem is that it's hard to write such excerpts without succumbing to lists of stereotypes...and then we take those stereotypes to the population and if they're offended, and their care is then compromised. Someone was trying to be the bridge, provide the bridge, but at what cost?

What is the cost to me? Exhaustion? Frustration? Time? There are days when I decide that it is not worth it to explain one side to the other...when I am tired of being the only brown person in the room trying to stand up for myself and the other brown people who are not able to be in the room (or in the case of my school, not even within the gates surrounding the institution). There are times when in a split second I decide that I am not speaking that day. I will not raise my hand to say what other people know is true but are unwilling to say for fear of being that person. Those are the days when I think (lines 41-48):

I am sick
Of having to remind you
To breathe
Before you suffocate
Your own fool self

Forget it
Stretch or drown
Evolve or die

(except, often in my mind I say "Fuck it" instead of "Forget it" :o)

I'm always thinking, this is going to be the end of us. (I'll leave you to decide who "us" is...I'm not sure myself...ethnic people? Women? Americans? Global people/All people?) But the "this" is our unwillingness to call a spade a spade/to acknowledge our humanity and our hatred /to see more than one side of things/to tell the truth. Our refusal to do these things with real effort is going to undo us because as we complacently go about our lives, some folks' defenses fall, while other folks' frustration rises...the balance (for lack of a better word) that keeps us going along as we are is disrupted and, eventually, the oppressed "rise," or shall we say "get fed up enough," and life as we know it will be over. I'd like to believe that what will happen is revolution, but I have the sinking feeling that instead of revolution, what we will have is I'm thinking, go ahead and "suffocate your own fool self" because I'm tired. And the more I tell you to breathe, the less time I have for myself before this end of times that you're/we're bringing on.

Moving along from that tangent, dark daughta mentioned people's tendency to "confuse building political coalition, with forcing many of us to be bridges where we are not supposed to centralize our own experiences, but instead are forced to centralize and tip toe around the beliefs, values and experiences of others who may be obscuring their own realities so as to better accrue privilege that we ourselves cannot." (from the comments section of this post) I'll let her unpack it her way (either here or at your place) but this is what I instantly thought about when I read it (which I'm sure is different than what she was thinking...which makes this great! anyway...)

I've been thinking about/journaling about hip hop/my life/my husband/black men and the connection among them for quite some time now. Her quote made me think more about this...I often say, "I love hip hop, the good, the bad, and the ugly." But right now I'm thinking, yep, that's me, I confuse political coalition with being the bridge between hip hop/my husband and the rest of the world. I accept hip hop for exactly what, or personified in my husband (usually, in this blog, and hereafter termed "the man") who, it is because I believe that without doing so I cannot maintain political coalition with it/him which I find to be vital to my existence. That is, the me I'm trying to be/trying to hold on to in this new world I'm moving through, is fractionally dependent on maintaining our coalition. But our coalition is not to be confused with/mistaken for any political coalition between hip hop/the man and the rest of the world, because they do not have a political coalition...that's the problem, by the way, with hip hop right now, I think...(another post for another time)... Instead, I, and people like me, are the bridges that are holding/centralizing the beliefs/values/experiences of both parties. How? I'm living/loving/learning on both sides (one side is hip hop/the man and the other is a lot of stuff, but I'll call it academia) and I'm taking on the responsibility of defending both sides because of a (false?) sense of (needed?) political coalition between the two. Maybe it's selfish bridge-building on my part...maybe I'm building this bridge in the hopes of forming a coalition so that my life (exemplified in this post) will be a little easier - so that the tugging will not be so violent. Whatever the case, does my United Nations-esque translating really do any good if neither side is telling the truth? The academic side (which represents privileged people, in this post) is not going to tell the whole truth because they're interested in maintaining their privilege. But, I argue that hip hop/the man is not telling the whole truth of their lives either, and as a result they, too, are continuing to accrue/use privileges that I cannot because at this point I have somehow become "too educated" to hang. These privileges that I speak of are probably not privileges to the average reader of this blog, but some of you will understand what I'm talking was not until recently (last year) that I lost the privilege of walking around in the middle of my community as an insider. I lost the privilege to ride the city bus and be welcomed, rather than looked at questioningly as to why I'm on the bus. I lost the privilege of speaking black english (aka: African American Vernacular English) without someone looking at me like I "know better." What a difference a year makes. From last year to this year I was supposed to become a completely different person...walk different, talk different, get to the mall different! And I'm supposed to tip toe around it. Why? Because I'm building bridges, not burning them. And if I stop centralizing/reconciling our beliefs, the political coalition that I thought might have already existed, will never exist...and I think I need it to, less my own damn identity never come full circle.

That felt good. Back to studying for hell week.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Thursday's Clinical Patients

I saw 5 patients and they were mostly annual physicals and birth control renewals, although one does not have to have a physical exam to receive birth control. This is what the typical exams look like:

1. Introduce yourself to the woman, ask her how things are going. If she doesn't talk much, you specifically ask about school (I'm at a university health center doing women's clinic), work, stress, eating and physical activity. The you ask if she has concerns. Most of the time they say "no" until you're in the middle of the physical exam.

2. Tell her what you plan to do (physical, etc) and ask if that's ok.

3. You leave the room, she changes, you come back and do the following:

  • palpate (feel/touch) the thyroid

  • listen to her heart (I do three points)

  • listen to her lungs (I listen in four quadrants, plus right middle lobe)

  • clinical breast exam - at which time you ask about self breast exams (does she do them? does she know how? how often does she do it? etc)

  • then you do the pap smear (for cervical cells) and gen probe (for gonorrhea & chlamydia - yes we do it on everyone, unless she says "no" when you tell her what you're going to do today)

  • last, do the bimanual exam

While doing the exam I ask about her vaginal hygiene (ie: do not douche, try to avoid perfumey products, etc), whether sex is painful (a LOT of women say "yes" which makes me go into another list of questions to ascertain whether it's positional or other), and whether they have anything out of the ordinary for them going on.

Then I leave, they get dressed, I come back and we sit down again and talk about safe sex (you wouldn't believe how many women are not using protection) and safety in general (domestic violence, drinking, and drugs), and about the free mental health services available for free next door (also on campus) if they should ever need anything. We talk about anxiety and stress management right now because it's midterm time, and we talk about smoking cessation if they smoke. If they are renewing their birth control subscription, we go over the risks, use, and benefits of the method they're using just like it's the first time they're ever hearing it, and write the prescription or sell them the discounted methods we have in the office.

We set up the next appointment, and they're off and back in the world!

Outside of this, last week I had a woman who was 32 and had been on Depo Provera for more than 10 years. The protocol in our clinic is to take women off Depo after 10 years because of the black box warning for risk of decreased bone density and osteoporosis. This was also the protocol of her primary physician, but she refuses to go off the Depo. So, she gets bone-density scans every year or two, does increased weight bearing exercise, and takes calcium and vitamin D supplements. I got a taste of "charting for litigation" when i had to chart my conversation with her advising her to go off Depo, and her subsequent refusal. I had to chart the other methods I suggested, and her response to them (a very simple "no") and then wrote the prescription for Depo because it was her choice.

Now, back to studying patho. I'll be glad when this exam is over tomorrow.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Crunch Time/Class Descriptions

Starting next week, I have an exam almost every week, one test right after the other, sometimes more than one in a given day. It's crunch time, and I'm feeling it, but it's also about mid-semester, so I can say that I've survived the first half of a very challenging semester! I just read all of the required reading in the Patho textbook for the upcoming exam, and actually understood half of it (which is progress). This upcoming exam is all genetics. Enough said.

In keeping with the purpose of this blog, I want to say a little bit about what each class is like:


Stats: (1st class of morning) Self explanatory...about formulas to help you figure out statistics for studies you conduct, and help you understand the studies you read so that you know if they have real clinical significance or not. The professor uses power point for teaching, and the exams are open note open book - less calculation, more interpretation type questions. Survivable.

Clinical Conference: (1hr before lunch) Come talk about your clinical experiences, present a patient as a case study, turn in charting paperwork, learn about random things like prescription writing if it turns out that your clinical preceptor wants you to know how right now!

Lunch (and either brown folks group meeting or midwifery check-in)

Primary Care for Midwives: (2 hours) This is the class where you learn about things like asthma, immunizations, ears/eyes/nose/throat, respiratory issues, diabetes, endocrine problems (thyroid, etc), dermatology stuff and anything else you might end up dealing with as a primary care provider. These are the things that midwives often choose whether or not to You can refer most of this out if your patients have access to other services, or if you have FNPs/docs on site at your local clinic, or you can choose to manage a lot of the aforementioned because most of it is clearly within the CNM scope of practice. This class has a lot of case studies, so it's not always straight lecture.

Advanced Patho: (3hrs, into the evening) I keep including the advanced because we also took a patho course last year, and this patho course is a new requirement started last year. (ugh) This course is about the pathophysiology behind diseases. (I know you aren't supposed to use the word in the definition ;o) you learn things like the genetic basis of Downs Syndrome (instead of the signs, symptoms, treatments, etc that you would learn in something like general med surg) You learn all about cells and alterations of cells, immunity, etc. Details, details, details. 3 hours of straight lecture.


Adv Physical Assessment class: (3hrs starting at 8 friggin AM) The lecture material about how to do a thorough full exam, ie: all that stuff your doctor does like look in your ears, mouth, and eyes with all those nifty tools, and listening to the heart and lungs, and every thing else you can think of. This class also has a lot of history taking and charting lectures. 3 hours of straight lecture.

Lunch 11-12

Physical Assessment Lab: (3hrs, Noon-3) The lab component to the above class, and lucky me I have the actual professor of the lecture portion as a lab professor. (Lucky = sarcastic, she's crazy, and new to the school as of September 1st) We practice all the stuff we just learned 5 minutes ago in a lab that has several beds that are set up like provider's offices are. You pick a partner for the semester and the two of you practice skills for 3 hours on each other. We all already know how I feel about that.

Research: (2 hours, 3:30-5:30) Basically you learn research methods and terminology. Surprisingly, you never read research articles. Isn't that crazy? Maybe it's coming up in the next half of the class, but it seems to me that we should be at least reading some research articles in this class from the very start. This class is set up differently than the other courses as it has a weekly quiz due before class, and every class period you have to get into small groups and work on some little exercise for the attendance credit.


Gynecology: (2hrs, at whatever time they tell us to be there, usually 3-5) This class is what other people probably think we learn all day long. It's how to do a gyn visit (general exams, pelvic exams, pap smears, birth control (or not), STD testing/diagnosing/treatment), dysfunctional uterine bleeding, fibroids, endometriosis, cervical cancer, etc. This is the class for which we also have a clinical rotation every Thursday where do all of the aforementioned.

Fridays we are supposed to be "free," but they always end up scheduling something, like special graduate teaching sessions for you to learn how to do a male genital exam or breast exam, or pelvic exam, etc. Why are midwives learning how to do a male genital exam? Isn't this out of our scope of practice? *sigh* But I try my hardest to keep my Fridays clear, even if it means I do these GTA session with other classes at different times. I need one day during the week to myself, to STUDY. Isn't that crazy, a student who has no time to study, absorb, learn.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Gynecology Clinical, Week Four

The following is the email I sent to "check in" with my midwifery/women's health friends at school last week. It's kind of funny, but also shows what it's like to be a student learning it all for the first time!

Today my preceptor did an "observation" of me where she just stood in the back of the room and watched everything I did for the first annual exam of the morning (after the first day we pretty much did the exams on our own and she only came in if we asked her to). I sweat *SO* bad she had to go get me some new non-wet-with-sweat gloves...seriously my hands were so sweaty I couldn't get the gloves on right. Then I almost did a bimanual with HAND SANITIZER instead of lube. Can you imagine? I caught myself but my preceptor was like "I should move this for you!" Then I said "I'm going to put the 'stethoscope' in now." LOL Then I had a patient with a yeast infection, but what was my diagnosis? "String" Yeah, when I looked in the microscope, I said "I don't see anything but *string*" It was yeast! Then I couldn't think of the treatment for yeast infection...I said "Bactrim" and my preceptor said "NO!" (but not in a mean way) and I said "ok, let me look in my black book"...but when I looked, I didn't have the the damn CDC guidelines for tx of yeast infection in my BB. *sigh* What is it? Friggin MONISTAT *duh.* Then I had to do a full exam on a woman who happened to be a doctor. She came in for DUB (dysfunctional uterine bleeding), and it took me a *while* to find the cervix because she had had a baby and so it didn't just "pop" into the speculum like the other cervices usually do. And she was from India* and very concerned about the draping of the sheet and not being exposed (she brought safety pins for the top part of the gown to keep it closed) so I was trying to hold the sheet down so it covered as much of her legs as possible AND do the exam. I was *SO* freaked out you guys *sigh.*

*I don't know if this cultural, but I wanted to make sure people pay attention so that they are conscious and respectful.

Even though this email might not sound like it, I am usually very comfortable in clinical (besides the everyday learning pains required to grow ;o) and I usually do just fine. Even though I was so nervous because my preceptor was watching, it all still went well. I'm glad she wasn't in there for the exam of the physician though because that was so unnerving without her in there. That exam went well and the woman said that physicians weren't as "gentle" or "patient" (regarding all of the draping, explanations of procedure, and "introduction of touch") in India because there are so few physicians and so many patients that they just don't have the time. It was nice to be able to remind her that I am a student midwife (I say it when I introduce myself) and feel so proud of the fact. Also, kudos to my school and preceptor and for teaching me how to do a pelvic exam that is kind, respectful, and gentle enough.

The midwifery students do a semi-weekly "check in" over the lunch hour at school. We talk about how everything is going, plan stuff if we need to, and talk about what we want relayed at the faculty meetings (2 students act as faculty liaisons and attend the faculty meetings to relay the students' concerns) But I am not so good with sharing at this "check in" because I don't feel like I know the women in my class very well yet, and I don't completely trust them yet. So I/we, my smaller group of classmates that I do know well and trust enough, are trying to also check in through email while we build some relationships in the larger group.

So that's gynecology clinical, week four. Next week I will try to post what the typical day of clinical was like (as far as what kinds of patients, what exams, tests, medications, etc) so that people can see what they might be doing on a typical day, and what information they might need to brush up on. If I don't remember, someone please remind me! (Someone did this for me and it was so nice to feel confident on the first day because I was able to at least look up some of the meds and procedures that I might encounter)

Anyway, off to study genetics for patho. Ugh.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

One of My Favorite Poems

Go here to read it. Read it at a poetry reading once.
Adv Physical Assessment exam II went well enough today I guess. I don't like having a lecture 5 mins after taking a test in that very same class, but that's the way it goes. I just emailed one of my midwifery professors to move an exam so that we wouldn't have three huge exams back-to-back within a 24 hour period. I said I didn't care whether I had to take it earlier or not, just please not at the same time. We'll see what she says. Last night I studied for today's exam with a pitcher of strawberry pina colada, courtesy of the man, and I think that's how I need to study from now on. (well, maybe something a little less caloricious...I'm sure my half of the blender was about 600 calories!) I was so relaxed, and this morning I must have had a sugar hangover because I was in such a great mood and so "over" the test before it even began! I don't know, we'll see what my grade is, and then go from there...
We have an apartment inspection tomorrow (God I can't wait to own my own home) and I'm thinking about how much cleaning I'm willing to do. Do I really have to pretend that we don't keep piles of clothes (both clean and dirty) on the floor between washings? Or that I make my bed in the mornings, wash the dishes every night, and line the shoes up at the door? It's so fake. I hate keeping up appearances. But I also don't want anyone to think that I wasn't raised better. But even as a child I kept a messy room...I like to say mama is probably reading this and saying "no, not messy, nasty" LOL but why fight it, I am who I am. Nonetheless, I'm sure I'll clean tonight. At least I don't have to be to school early in the morning. Just take the man to work, come home and relax for an hour, then off to school. I will treasure that hour.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Note to Self is what it is.

Complainin about it aint gone make it go no faster.

Keep it movin'.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Review of the Week (Or Longer)

:: We had out intergenerational pot luck last week. I am a second year student. Our responsibility was to give the new students their welcome folder. We all have an incoming student ("little sister") that we're supposed to mentor and that's who we give the folder we created to. The folder has photos, poems, stories, etc. passed down from each class, plus a bios for each student of each class, and a letter written from them welcoming you to midwifery. I think I was the only one who contributed anything new to the folder this year, which I thought was sad. I included an excerpt from Toni Morrison's Beloved a small portion of which I will put up sometime soon, and this quote from Anais Nin because it made me think:

Man can never know the kind of loneliness a woman knows. Man lies in a woman's womb only to gather strength, he nourishes himself from this fusion, and then he rises and goes into the world, into his work, into battle, into art. He is not lonely. He is busy. The memory of the swim in amniotic fluid gives him energy, completion. The woman may be busy too, but she feels empty. Sensuality for her is not only a wave of pleasure in which she has bathed, and a charge of electric joy at contact with another. When man lies in her womb, she is fulfilled, each act of love a a taking of man within her, an act of birth and rebirth, of child-bearing and man-bearing. Man lies in her womb and is reborn each time anew with a desire to act, to BE. But for woman, the climax is not in the birth, but in the moment the man rests inside of her.

We also gave them a CD that we created by each contributing a song. My song was "I Believe" by Fantasia. The faculty then presented us with these bags they quilted us. And lastly the 3rd year students put on their performance which really was great. The made infomercials about products they made up (ie: a scratch and sniff card to diagnose BV) and did a dance they choreographed based on the movements you do for shoulder dystocia. What a great evening. Now we have to get busy planning the "blessing of the hands" for them.

:: School is kicking my behind. The first round of exams are out of the way, and the second wave begins this week with Adv Phys Assessment. I can't wait for this class to be over. Clinical is still wonderful but this week is a reverse observation week where our preceptor observes us all day. That makes me anxious. It's like now I'm going to forget to do stuff I always do, just because she's watching! Ack! I sent in an application for the new Johnson & Johnson Minority Nurse Faculty Scholars Program. I'll let you know how that goes. My expectations are low because I heard about it a little late and by the time I sat down to write my personal statement, I was speechless. Nursing school has really taken everything creative right out of my brain, and I haven't written anything like this in so long that I've forgotten how.

:: I visited Johns Hopkins last weekend to check out their PhD program. I really, really liked the school, but there were a couple things that turned me off...1) They only have guaranteed funding for the first two years, after that you have to apply for outside sources of funding. That makes me cringe. Not because I wouldn't be doing it anyway, but because I don't want to depend on outside funding to finish the program. I'd much rather be guaranteed funding all the way through. 2) The set up: just like many other prestigious medical campuses, it's located in the middle of a low income neighborhood (in Baltimore) and I am not sure if I want to do this setting again. (That's how my current school is) It's frustrating to study in places like these because you're conflicted about where you really belong, and it's hard to be in a position of privilege (through education at a prestigious university) and but feel like you're not really helping the people in the community. And yes, I feel that way even when I'm working in the community really helping people! It's weird. Maybe I'll articulate that better another day. But there were some issues with the trip. Me and the man went down with one of my friends, but ended up having to come back via train which cost us $225. I was pissed to say the least. Basically me and my friend had some issues and I thought "there's no way I'm riding home with you." And she didn't want us to anyway. I think she was very competitive about the whole visit to Hopkins and was stressed about getting into the program because it was her first choice school and she just took all of that out on me. She apologized profusely, but it takes me a long time to forgive such blatant rudeness. So, that's that for a while.

Ok. Back to work, studying for phys assessment.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Somethin's Gotta Give

Am I missing something? Do you folks take vitamins every day? I'm exhausted. Seriously. I don't think I can continue at this pace. I must be doing something wrong. Maybe my walking around campus and dancing around the house is not enough. Maybe I need to ramp up the exercise. I heard that helps. I already get quite a few hours of sleep, but maybe my bed isn't comfortable enough. I know I need to eat more regularly and probably better. But I really am exhausted. I think 6 graduate classes, plus clinical, plus a lab course is overload. plus my one night per week at the library turned into three this week.

Somethin's gotta give.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Happy Birthday

Breathing Again

I am finally able to come up for air. I passed my GYN exam from last week. And my physical assessment exam. I more than passed my Patho exam from yesterday. And my physical assessment lab exam today. My primary care exam ended being a "closed book take home exam" and I just finished that. It was so funny because a girl in our class just couldn't get the hang of this whole "take home" exam that was *still* "closed book." And I understand. It's weird. I already wrote about how I feel about the so called honor-code at this place and institutions like it. So, I won't go there again. But I will say it does have its benefits, and being able to study for another day was surely one of them. I broke down in that class when she gave us the news. I was soooo happy because I really hadn't studied as much as I should have because I was trying not to fail Patho! Some people were not happy at all because they had spent all kinds of time studying, and if they had of known we would have had one more day they would have studied something else instead (like Patho, for which we had an exam the next hour!) I understand their feelings. But, come on, this is a gift people. Be thankful, say thank you, and keep it moving. Besides, if you really wanted to take the exam right then (instead of at home) you could have. She said we could take any time we wanted, as long as it was under her door by 9 am on Wednesday...what about that says you can't take it today, right after class, and be done with it? Why didn't people do that? They said they now felt pressured to go home and study more. Hmph. I say w h a t e v e r.

Anyway, so my day started at 6:30 this morning when I met my friend/lab partner at school to practice for the phys assessment lab exam. (Did I say I almost puked during the exam? I was fully clothed in my jeans tennis shoes and wide shouldered tank top, so that was no problem, I was just so nervous feeling like I was going to forget anyone of the million things we had to remember.) And now I'm counting the minutes until I get off (18 minutes) at the end of which will mark a 16 hour day for me. Then I'm going to go party to celebrate surviving the week and my friend's birthday.

And tomorrow it starts all over again.