Breathe Easy, You've Found Me ((HUGS))

People will wonder why this blog is needed, why minority midwifery student? It's very simple actually; I was looking for this blog...but I couldn't find I created it. We all have unique experiences, and every experience, every story, can help someone else. I am a black girl from the hood at an ivy league professional school. That, alone, is reason enough to write. Somebody was looking for this blog. Someone wanted proof that what I'm doing can be done - even when you come from where we come from.

To that person especially, WELCOME.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Patience and Contentment

I'm reminding myself that it will take a while to find a job. I'm reminding myself that I graduated less than a month ago. I'm reminding myself that my loans have all been successfully deferred until December.
Every day I find myself whispering "be patient" to myself in the two seconds that I am not freaking out over not having a job... or even an interview... or even a call back.
I'm telling myself not to panic. Not to send my resume all over the country. To just stay put in this little city I am falling in love with and have faith that I will be able to find a job around here.
I was not prepared for this part. 
I pride myself on being prepared.
I know this could be an adventure. I could go ahead and send my resume into the wind and interview in places I never imagined living.  We could pick up and move to a reservation or a rural town. The man says he'll live wherever... for a little while. 
But I don't want to. 
It's not that I'm not adventurous. It's not that I'm not a risk taker. 
It is that I'm tired of moving. Tired of starting over. 
I want to settle down. I need health insurance and access to advanced medical treatments. I want to come home to a furnished house with furniture I picked out and art on the walls. I want to build community without the "we'll be leaving soon" detachment mechanisms. 
I've earned a break from adventure and risk taking and starting over and even excitement for a while. I've walked confidently/scarily into life changing opportunities, and grown from it.
But I'm sitting down now... 
Because there is beauty and honor and challenges and growth and happiness in the stillness, too.