Breathe Easy, You've Found Me ((HUGS))

People will wonder why this blog is needed, why minority midwifery student? It's very simple actually; I was looking for this blog...but I couldn't find I created it. We all have unique experiences, and every experience, every story, can help someone else. I am a black girl from the hood at an ivy league professional school. That, alone, is reason enough to write. Somebody was looking for this blog. Someone wanted proof that what I'm doing can be done - even when you come from where we come from.

To that person especially, WELCOME.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

This Is It

The final exam is in about 24 hours. Nothing is sticking and I am of course freaking out. I got a call from my lil sib today who was of course freaking out, and I was so calm and so sure of her impending success, but I can't seem to find the same place of peace for myself. I know I don't know a lot, and it's bugging me. I feel like a fraud. I look at a lab panel and try to pick out the abnormal values and I can't always do it. I ask myself what goes into calculating a BPP and what number am I looking for? And I draw a serious blank. I mean a real... blank. I'm sitting reading the details of multiple gestation and getting irritated at how much I'm supposed to know about stuff midwives barely touch, and how very little I know about "normal." I'm trying to remember the labs I order to diagnose HELLP, and right when I think I know, I ask myself ok, now when the labs come back how will you know if they're normal or not? Yep, back to picking out abnormal lab values.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

And no matter how many times I tell people that, they reassure me that I know exactly what I'm supposed to at this point.

I don't buy it.

Maybe I'll learn it at integration when I'm learning it all through real life scenarios, in real time, almost full time for 3 months straight?

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