Breathe Easy, You've Found Me ((HUGS))

People will wonder why this blog is needed, why minority midwifery student? It's very simple actually; I was looking for this blog...but I couldn't find it...so I created it. We all have unique experiences, and every experience, every story, can help someone else. I am a black girl from the hood at an ivy league professional school. That, alone, is reason enough to write. Somebody was looking for this blog. Someone wanted proof that what I'm doing can be done - even when you come from where we come from.

To that person especially, WELCOME.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Going Home


Life is fuzzy right now. I've built up enough reserve, enough cover, enough armor to go through the day without crying. I hate crying in front of people I don't trust, so that was important today. My life is different. I just feel like this is it. This is all we have. It is our responsibility to live this, the only life we have, to our fullest potential...and I don't mean potential as defined by someone else...I mean living one's life to the fullest of their own standards and definitions. This is all we get. This is it. There were things I believed in yesterday that I no longer believe in today...like giving my time away to people who I genuinely don't want to be around.
I'm headed home for the weekend on Friday.
So much is happening...
They're calling it "premeditated, but random."
That's hard.
They're saying he had already reloaded his rifle for his next shot, calling him a sniper.
That's so...sad.
You'd have to know something about Omaha...about this place of Malcolm X's birth and raising. I only mention him because when people think of why he was so...angry...I don't think they can understand that without knowing about where he came from...where I come from.
That's what I was saying, too.
I kept saying, "my Brittany? Brittany, Brittany?"
I'm going home.

4 comments:

Dark Daughta said...

I will think about you. Hold tight. And cry. And be enraged. It's okay to be enraged which is very different than being eaten up inside by anger. The rage can motivate. You can channel to through your hands and transform it into something that will be of use to you. Don't be scared to make space for it or to sit alongside it. That's what I learned from some o those books you put on the list you left me. That's what I know to be true. Hugs.

Morag said...

What a travesty. I'm so, so sorry.
XxL.

KtG said...

i don't want to be a cock-eyed optimist. i am so sorry about your loss and you are in my prayers. yours is the first blog on my list that i check out each day and you show yourself here to be a strong and powerful woman. i've been reading through bell hooks' book "teaching community: a pedagogy of hope" and i thought of you in this passage. it's a quote by t.h. white from "the once and future king":

"the best thing for being sad is to learn something. that is the only thing that never fails...learn why the world wags and what wags it. that is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. learning is the thing for you."

i hope this helps and be sure to take time for yourself. you deserve it.

Emory Student Midwife said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts.