Finishing the Thought...

I didn't clarify how the ways I was t taught to love my (future) husband were/are detrimental to my own existence... it's the expectation that he comes before me - even to me. You see, it's one thing for society to think that I should put him first (which is biblical by the way - thou shall have no other god before me) but it's another thing entirely for me to believe it...for me to actually tell myself, that him and his needs come before my own... I have a hard time accepting this for mothering...so I certainly have a hard time accepting it for another grown person. It is...suicide...to have your life rise and set on someone else. Yet another thing I tried to explain with my classmates at dinner. They could not understand why we had conditions on our marriage...they truly, unwaveringly, believe in death till we part. I said "even if he kills you?" I remember a friedn once challenged me that I could not live without the man after I said that I would be ok if we weren't together. I admit, it would be hard, and I wouldn't want to do it. I love me some the man. Yes, yes, yes I do. Mmh. BUT...if have to, I can. I hope I never have to see it, to test it, to deal with it, but like every other person who has suffered something, I can live through it. I have to believe this because my life as an individual hinges on it. It is not healthy to be so dependent on someone that you think you can't live without them...and I think that often times this is what women are expected to do/believe in traditional love relationships. Why can't I love him fiercely with the understanding that I am still a fierce chick who can handle her own? Why is the expectation that we become 'one' instead of a chopstick-tight twosome (or whatever other combination one desires)? Marriage would feel like slow death if we could only grow together...I have separate dreams that deserve to be stroked just as much as our common dreams. The man is so boring when he's not working on anything for himself...there's nothing to talk about. The point is that if we only love in the ways we were taught, we will only have the relationships we've seen...and we want something different.