Sigh

I'm tired.

And frustrated.

And I miss people who know me.

I talked to my friend/mentor the other day and, as always, I hung up thinking, yeah, we got it all wrong. We're supposed to spend the majority of our time speaking to people who ignite us. Make us think. Talking about stuff that matters to each of us specifically. Not plodding through 12 hours of task after task. The man's brother was here for the weekend. It reminded me of all that the man has sacrificed (and me, too) with this move across the country, far away from everyone who really knows us. His affect was so much lighter, he smiled so much more. He laughed more. I missed a lot of it cause I was on call Saturday night (caught my second baby, still dazed, waiting for that "I wanna do this for the rest of my life" feeling) They had a blast.

I'm meeting with U in the morning. I'm not used to these kinds of relationships. I don't usually have enough patience to build them. In previous relationships, I've always found myself in the mental/emotional giving role, without receiving the same in return. But when I realized that about myself, I learned how to walk away pretty easily from people who I wasn't willing to offer that to....that means most people I've encountered I've kept distance from. So here I am trying to build relationships with a few women at the same time, and I find it tiring.

Lots of folks read this blog. I find it so interesting that people will blogside me about the random stuff, but they will not be walking up to me talking about this. I know because I've seen a few folks, and...nothing... Except N, who said something the first time she saw me. I appreciated that. Otherwise, we're all just going to walk around in silence. I don't know that I have the energy to facilitate. hmm nor am I interested. nor do I know if it's necessary. We have enough on our plates, I guess. No, I don't believe that. I think it's just the way we/people are...we back up and find the common ground and avoid the stuff that we know is sticky. yeah.

whatever.

I have a long week ahead.

A very long week.

A full schedule.

I don't know where I'm going to get the energy. I am going to sleep well tonight...it's pouring rain. A full 7 hours of sleep. Then I'm going to eat something in the morning before going to school...maybe that will help.

a very long week...