Breathe Easy, You've Found Me ((HUGS))

People will wonder why this blog is needed, why minority midwifery student? It's very simple actually; I was looking for this blog...but I couldn't find I created it. We all have unique experiences, and every experience, every story, can help someone else. I am a black girl from the hood at an ivy league professional school. That, alone, is reason enough to write. Somebody was looking for this blog. Someone wanted proof that what I'm doing can be done - even when you come from where we come from.

To that person especially, WELCOME.

Sunday, February 17, 2008


I'm tired.

And frustrated.

And I miss people who know me.

I talked to my friend/mentor the other day and, as always, I hung up thinking, yeah, we got it all wrong. We're supposed to spend the majority of our time speaking to people who ignite us. Make us think. Talking about stuff that matters to each of us specifically. Not plodding through 12 hours of task after task. The man's brother was here for the weekend. It reminded me of all that the man has sacrificed (and me, too) with this move across the country, far away from everyone who really knows us. His affect was so much lighter, he smiled so much more. He laughed more. I missed a lot of it cause I was on call Saturday night (caught my second baby, still dazed, waiting for that "I wanna do this for the rest of my life" feeling) They had a blast.

I'm meeting with U in the morning. I'm not used to these kinds of relationships. I don't usually have enough patience to build them. In previous relationships, I've always found myself in the mental/emotional giving role, without receiving the same in return. But when I realized that about myself, I learned how to walk away pretty easily from people who I wasn't willing to offer that to....that means most people I've encountered I've kept distance from. So here I am trying to build relationships with a few women at the same time, and I find it tiring.

Lots of folks read this blog. I find it so interesting that people will blogside me about the random stuff, but they will not be walking up to me talking about this. I know because I've seen a few folks, and...nothing... Except N, who said something the first time she saw me. I appreciated that. Otherwise, we're all just going to walk around in silence. I don't know that I have the energy to facilitate. hmm nor am I interested. nor do I know if it's necessary. We have enough on our plates, I guess. No, I don't believe that. I think it's just the way we/people are...we back up and find the common ground and avoid the stuff that we know is sticky. yeah.


I have a long week ahead.

A very long week.

A full schedule.

I don't know where I'm going to get the energy. I am going to sleep well's pouring rain. A full 7 hours of sleep. Then I'm going to eat something in the morning before going to school...maybe that will help.

a very long week...

1 comment:

Dark Daughta said...

Not a lot I can say. I think that it is difficult to have people who know what's going on for you avoid the odd bits in favour of talking about light stuff. I think that in terms of my blog I've made the choice to not engage deeply with people who only come with a sentence or two...and even those sentences are about the shallow stuff I post about occasionally. :) When something has your attention, it almost seems odd that people who know what's on your brain want to talk about other things.

It makes it difficult to build


Good luck with your coffee with U. I don't think that whatever comes out of it will move you in directions that will be useful for you and where you're headed.

Congratulations on the second baby catching. When you say that you're waiting for the feeling, are you saying that you didn't have the same sense of elation? Or...

I'm not sure what you meant.

Anyways, I'm having a conversation with Sunflower. It's interesting. Will you come by when you can? She's situated differently than I am...differently than you, too. There might be some bridging pieces there.

Come when you can.