Breathe Easy, You've Found Me ((HUGS))

People will wonder why this blog is needed, why minority midwifery student? It's very simple actually; I was looking for this blog...but I couldn't find it...so I created it. We all have unique experiences, and every experience, every story, can help someone else. I am a black girl from the hood at an ivy league professional school. That, alone, is reason enough to write. Somebody was looking for this blog. Someone wanted proof that what I'm doing can be done - even when you come from where we come from.

To that person especially, WELCOME.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Peace

I've found it.

Anne, you were reading my mind, lol. I am (and have been) looking for RN jobs... and being an RN in a birth center would actually be right inside of my perfect wish. :o) I even talked to a birth center about it a few weeks ago, but they were kinda dismissive about it, saying "RNs don't want to work for what we pay, they could could make much more as staff nurses" and since that was the third dismissive comment of the 15 minute conversation, I pretty much moved on in my head to other possibilities, sigh. But yes, that would be the best of both worlds for a baby midwife and I'm still looking and will check out the place you mentioned :o)

I moved my midwifery exam date in favor of becoming licensed as an RN here first (I couldn't do both.)

Actually, I also moved my exam because I can't afford it right now, and moving it to September was so much better than being completely and totally stressed about money for the next two-three months because every spare dime... and a few non-spare dimes would have been sent to the AMCB

I labored over this decision for a very long time. My intention was always to take it right after graduation because I was always worried that I'd forget too much stuff.  And then, after comp exams at school, I got an email jab saying "you better study extra hard for boards" because my grade wasn't stellar. Of course I emailed back saying "I'll be just fine, thank you" but now of course there's that little voice in my ear saying "you might not pass it." I hate that about my alma mater.  They were always saying something similar to this, always sending me "you're close to failing" letters, always hinting (and sometimes outright saying) that I wasn't quite good enough. It sucks to be emailed the range of grades and see that the score you got is the bottom score. Why do we need to know how many people got an A or a B or a C? But anyway, I did it, even if narrowly... which really, considering my GPA, isn't even narrowly... it's damn near impressive... except that it's still low by comparison to rest of my anal cohort.

And that is why graduation was so. friggin. amazing. for me and my family. We partied like the end of the world was near. I still giggle... and sometimes cry from happiness... at how much FUN we had that week. It was so amazing. So uplifting. So rewarding. It's a month later and me and my family are *still* talking about it. That's how wonderful it was. I am loved, and every single time I remind myself of that fact, I am at peace.

But back to what I was saying... I'm taking the test in September because that's when I'll have $750 to fork over for it. As I sat on Facebook and watched my cohort one by one schedule and pass their boards, I got really nervous. Worried. Anxious. Sad.

But then, this morning, sitting in bed with the man, going over an iWork Numbers spreadsheet... Sam Cooke's "Change Gon' Come" playing in the background... there came peace. It's been a long time comin'. It's been hard. But the worst of it is over, and the best of it is still ahead. Whether I take the test next month or in two months, I can and will pass it. It does not/will not matter that I may be the last one to do so. Who cares?  I did.  Why? Because I've been trained to compete with these women I learned with. But guess what? 

SCHOOL'S OUT.

And I'm a grown azz woman again, free to make her own decisions.

It's a perfect time to head over to the new blog, because minority midwifery student is no longer a student!

THANK. GOD.



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