The final exam is in about 24 hours. Nothing is sticking and I am of course freaking out. I got a call from my lil sib today who was of course freaking out, and I was so calm and so sure of her impending success, but I can't seem to find the same place of peace for myself. I know I don't know a lot, and it's bugging me. I feel like a fraud. I look at a lab panel and try to pick out the abnormal values and I can't always do it. I ask myself what goes into calculating a BPP and what number am I looking for? And I draw a serious blank. I mean a real... blank. I'm sitting reading the details of multiple gestation and getting irritated at how much I'm supposed to know about stuff midwives barely touch, and how very little I know about "normal." I'm trying to remember the labs I order to diagnose HELLP, and right when I think I know, I ask myself ok, now when the labs come back how will you know if they're normal or not? Yep, back to picking out abnormal lab values.
I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
And no matter how many times I tell people that, they reassure me that I know exactly what I'm supposed to at this point.
I don't buy it.
Maybe I'll learn it at integration when I'm learning it all through real life scenarios, in real time, almost full time for 3 months straight?
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the story of a black girl's midwifery journey from first semester to first job
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2008
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December
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- On Writing a Thesis in Midwifery School, part 2
- On Writing a Thesis, Part 3
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- It's Happening So Fast, Part 2
- This Is It
- Off to a Good Start
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- The Bliss Before the Breakdown
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Why I'm Here
If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it.
~Toni Morrison
~Toni Morrison
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