tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20972084831960833282011-12-17T11:03:54.790-08:00the story of a black girl's midwifery journey from first semester to first jobminority midwifenoreply@blogger.comBlogger1941100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-73585752082353748042011-06-14T07:12:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:12:06.495-07:00

I've found it. Anne, you were reading my mind, lol. I am (and have been) looking for RN jobs... and being an RN in a birth center would actually be right inside of my perfect wish. :o) I even talked to a birth center about it a few weeks ago, but they were kinda dismissive about it, saying "RNs don't want to work for what we pay, they could could make much more as staff nurses" and since that

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-51031175859224271562009-07-08T10:50:00.001-07:002010-09-23T06:29:20.354-07:00

over 19,000 views to my blog over the course of it's inception.

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-37252288350647490952009-07-08T10:23:00.000-07:002009-07-08T14:09:37.103-07:00

Hi friends,The end of this blog is near... actually, it's here. I am no longer a midwifery student.I remember when I finished my first blog, minority nursing student, and moved over to this space. It seems so long ago. The years of being in midwifery school were achingly slow, and yet three years later, here I am. Done. And it's still surreal. From minority nursing student to minority midwifery

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-84209876881251843602009-07-06T20:29:00.000-07:002009-09-07T20:31:14.500-07:00

Minority Midwifery Student is no longer a student! The new site is HERE. See ya there!

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-38742904934154033572009-06-16T16:42:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.847-07:00

I'm reminding myself that it will take a while to find a job. I'm reminding myself that I graduated less than a month ago. I'm reminding myself that my loans have all been successfully deferred until December. Every day I find myself whispering "be patient" to myself in the two seconds that I am not freaking out over not having a job... or even an interview... or even a call back.I'm telling

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-10301444095379381982009-05-30T12:39:00.000-07:002009-05-30T12:41:04.017-07:00

It feels weird.I'm roaming around the public library right now, trying to find something good to read.I have tons of calls to make to try to get these loans into deferment on Monday.I am slowly applying for jobs, but having no luck.I can't believe I'm finished.There is relief, but there is also panic.

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-30858451627917321632009-05-21T08:18:00.000-07:002009-05-21T08:23:12.697-07:00

Well, the celebration begins in...5...4...3...2...1...NOW!!!!!!!!MinorityMidwiferyStudent graduates in a few days, but family begins arriving today... this minute actually... so the party officially starts now!You're invited...Party where you stand, sit, or lay...Have a shot for me....Hug yourself for me...SCREAM for me...BECAUSE WE DID IT!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-44852155980491890372009-05-20T04:41:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.847-07:00

It's due today.At noon.I realized yesterday- on my unexpected 7 hour drive- that the problem is that I would not/will not be unwillingly broken... tamed... molded... groomed.Not then, not now, hopefully not ever.Hopefully I will continue to be me- whoever that is- until they lay me in the ground.Whatever cultural/academic assimilation occurs, it will be with my consent. Of course there are bits

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-18070927974361528872009-05-06T16:09:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.847-07:00

Purgatory.At least I'm closer.

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-51608398637496902902009-05-03T14:29:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.847-07:00

I'm in hell. Seriously.But I will soon be leaving for heaven.

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-84372885865957918032009-04-30T13:21:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.847-07:00

I'm happy. Very, very, happy.Ok, that's all. :o)

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-77322155392499821072009-04-30T12:00:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.848-07:00

I took and passed my comprehensive exam last week.Relief.I sat in my last class of nursing/midwifery school... ever... last week. Bliss.Some folks were nostalgic, some sad, some tired, some indifferent. I fall into the "tired" category. As we sat listening to presentations and sharing our thoughts with faculty about this experience, I realized that I had left, mentally, long ago. Home, for me,

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-52886657823275922062009-04-22T17:25:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.848-07:00

I'm supposed to be studying for my comprehensive exam, but really I can't even get into a groove. Burnout is here and settled. I feel like if I don't know it by now, after 3 years of school, I'm not going to know in the next two days, and the best thing I can do for myself is relax. I miss the blogsphere. I miss writing. I miss my life of long ago, lol. I applied for one CNM job that I'm not

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-48551211356869155092009-04-13T13:17:00.001-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.848-07:00

It's been months, I know. And I'm sorry. I really am. But this is hard. Period.This is my last week of integration. 14 loooong weeks coming to an end. I just finished looking at the feedback from my thesis draft.And it hit me...I might actually do this...I might actually graduate from this institution...Maybe some people read that and thought, "well, duh." But I tell you I still only halfway

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-77336897220315736012009-02-18T04:27:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.848-07:00

This is pulled from my electronic journal. This is how my first week went:Monday: L&D 8 to 11:15PM. Triaged three women in the AM with the same due date who were all post dates, 2 were teens in active labor, and the other was not in labor but wanted to check on her baby. One of the teens kept getting into it with the nurse (who was not nice to her and so I really didn't blame her) but the final

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-26616663154021470722009-02-16T19:55:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.849-07:00

My day started off with the pleasant surprise of hearing "we no longer bulb suction babies."  It was music to my ears. It has been a real struggle for me to remember to bulb suction babies on the perineum or after delivery, especially when they are already crying. When I arrived on L&D this morning, there was a multip near fully.  I and the midwife introduced ourselves and informed her that were

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-67555097027228945522009-02-15T10:40:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.849-07:00

This is post 1 of my 14 in 14: ETA: oh man, it didn't work... theres something wrong with the friggin formatting of my journal entries... sigh. I'm going to repost in a new page...

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-72461703461432500122009-02-15T10:06:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.849-07:00

I am a stunted blogger.  I remember searching for so long for integration blogs.  I wanted to read about what integration was like before I stepped into the fire.  I found like, one, which didn't turn out to be much about integration at all.  I had grand plans of being that blog.  "I will write it" I told myself... so that when someone else looks, they will find it.  Well, I've written hardly

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-42628319721910110172009-02-09T16:04:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.849-07:00

I'm drowning in it.  There's a mountain of paperwork required for my class every week, and it's soooo... ugh.  There's also a massive amount of paperwork involved in being a hospital midwife, too.  It seems... outrageous! Maybe it will be slow enough for me to write a little something more substantial later...

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-5504858025006493212009-02-04T06:03:00.001-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.850-07:00

I have a rare Wednesday off and lucky me I get to work on my thesis. (sarcasm, folks) I used to love it, but now I hate it.  I have a few more people to interview, that always brightens my feelings about the project. Maybe I'll start with that. Mostly I'm sick of writing, sick of reading, sick of looking at it as it barely exists.  It's also very frustrating to keep writing something that people

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-73321274694254341432009-02-02T04:52:00.001-08:002011-10-17T06:03:31.081-07:00

suck. It came too fast. No patients on the board in L&D. This can be good or bad

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-63578442329661465912009-01-31T17:49:00.001-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.894-07:00

passes by slowly at the hospital and clinic, fast on the weekends, and even faster in blogland. I have been gone a long time from my blog. I'm tired and overwhelmed with integration and my thesis. There's so much I could write if I didn't spend every free moment eating, writing on other people's blogs, logging onto facebook, or simply sleeping. Already Saturday night is here. That means tomorrow

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-34874419454897954542009-01-14T19:25:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.895-07:00

I'm tired. Dead on my feet. That's about all.

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-40352850836057585392009-01-06T15:15:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.895-07:00

It's really hard to embrace the fact that my vacation is winding down. This morning I had a meeting with the midwifery practice to learn more about my schedule, the practice and what's expected. Early this week, my main preceptor emailed me and said that for Monday (my first day on the L&D floor) I needed to "bring a lab coat and wear comfortable shoes." Today I found out why. Busy + poorly

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-9403608445829583092008-12-29T16:49:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.895-07:00

We have finally, finally, moved. Almost a week later than we planned. After an unexpected trip to the ER for the man. After much stress. We are at our new destination. And now, now, I'm on vacation.

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-61329258686530573562008-12-22T14:44:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.895-07:00

This is our FIFTH across-states move in the eight years we've been married. That's a lot of starting over. And over. And over. It's one thing to move a lot (which we also do) but to move hundreds of miles away is a beast of a different kind. We moved here by airplane, so you can imagine how very little we came with. I mailed my books before we left, but that was about it. We accumulated an

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-80270501145649447742008-12-21T07:26:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.896-07:00

Our wonderful friends/neighbors came over on Thursday late afternoon and dropped off dinner they cooked for us. I had spent another few hours at the health center getting two of the million things checked off my list that now reaches the entire length of the Brooklyn bridge. It had also snowed like a million inches and I had to walk home... uphill... because the buses had stopped running to my

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-83154553005090948132008-12-18T10:43:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.896-07:00

First, I'm done. I actually finished the semester. I don't know how successfully, but finished nonetheless. There was a moment during the exam, at the second to last page, where I didn't know the answer to one single question. 10 questions. All on one page. I just laughed. And laughed. And laughed, sometimes even out loud, but I don't think every one is in their own mental hell and didn't

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-57911355666532963462008-12-17T11:17:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.896-07:00

Yeah. I've reached a new low. While trying to understand the right upper quadrant pain that is associated with HELLP syndrome, I just could not figure out why this pain would be on the right... is it referred pain? No. Of course not. FYI: your liver is on the right side of your body. Now, of course I knew this at some point. But right now my brain is mussssssssssssh. To top it off I had a

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-23644520963348019622008-12-17T05:37:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.896-07:00

I woke up at exactly 8am without an alarm clock. Isn't it funny how you can mentally tell yourself what time you want to get up and have that happen? I am such a better person in the morning when I get to wake up naturally. This is my last study day, and I'm determined to make it a good one. I cooked a bit pot of ziti last night, got some coffee and tea ready, printed everything I need to

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-80434413840946999542008-12-16T20:46:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.897-07:00

The final exam is in about 24 hours. Nothing is sticking and I am of course freaking out. I got a call from my lil sib today who was of course freaking out, and I was so calm and so sure of her impending success, but I can't seem to find the same place of peace for myself. I know I don't know a lot, and it's bugging me. I feel like a fraud. I look at a lab panel and try to pick out the

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-13610357375952417062008-12-14T12:15:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.897-07:00

We're moving. A week from tomorrow, to be exact. I can't believe it. The man is packing up the apartment while I study for finals and write my final papers. We're moving home, and couldn't be more thrilled. It was very, very shaky for a minute- turned out that we all of a sudden didn't have everything needed for me to go to integration in January, but just last week it all came together (

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-31863584609252230632008-12-14T10:35:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.897-07:00

Well. I had my last class of midwifery school. Ever. It's surreal. My final is this week, and it's going to be hard, as it should be. But I'm done with classes... like, there are no more... like, I never have to sit through a midwifery class again. Meaning I've almost, actually, done this thing that I set out to do. True, I have all of integration to go... a lot can happen in 3 months (

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-15714118022671850002008-12-10T22:06:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.897-07:00

I'm exhausted.

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-47623852624602451412008-12-07T19:01:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.898-07:00

Yesterday I spent all day working on chapter 2 (methods) of my thesis, and I still have one more section (data analysis methods) to finish the chapter. Today I work up to the sound of a metal shovel on concrete outside my window- too early in the morning- got up, looked out and saw snow. I crawled back into bed and haven't moved since. The first complete draft of my thesis is due tomorrow. I

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-83057266873014137382008-12-03T15:42:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.898-07:00

I've been away cause I haven't much to say. It seems like all my thoughts lately are about how tired of school I am and about how much I have to do and I fear those are very boring things to hear to most folks. But then I remember the purpose of this blog is to tell the truth of midwifery school, so I really should write more... Today, and tomorrow... and the next day, and the next... and the

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-63704324082249804852008-11-19T08:54:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.898-07:00

I get to go to clinical today. Woo friggin Hoo. It is supposed to be my last day of prenatal/gyn clinical, and I so truly hope this is the case. (She has the option of having my come another day in a few weeks in December) I could really use any extra days in December to take call for labor patients. In other news: I got an SOS email from an underclassmen... I reposted two posts from December

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-2928807429593351932008-11-17T13:59:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.898-07:00

that says NO MORE STUDENTS until you can comfortably educate the ones you have... NO MORE STUDENTS until you have clinical placements for them all. NO MORE STUDENTS if that means any less clinical experience... NO MORE STUDENTS without first really investing (and I don't mean just money) in new midwifery faculty. NO MORE STUDENTS UNTIL MIDWIFERY EDUCATION PROGRAMS CAN SUPPORT THEM FULLY. The

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-88923378468201457762008-11-11T15:57:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.898-07:00

I am tired, overwhelmed and sick. I have two presentations to give this week, one on ethics and the other on some topic in black midwifery. My ethics presentation is done. I'm working on my black midwifery project now. All I want to do is crawl into bed and go to sleep. I have clinic tomorrow and it's supposed to be my next-to-last day, but there is a potential extra day built in if she

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-83293072782250474072008-11-06T20:11:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.899-07:00

...my heart swells and I unintentionally gasp... there are black people... loving each other... on national television. ...I think about this journey that me and the man are on... about the stuff we've seen... we've done... we've experienced... together. ...I am sure that there is no safer place for him to rest his head, his heart, his hopes.

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-72499217776162431402008-11-05T12:20:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.899-07:00

is taking it all in.

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-84703081402402069932008-11-04T22:37:00.000-08:002011-10-17T06:03:31.102-07:00

I have to write this before I go to sleep. We woke up and I put on my Obama tshirt that I got from a skateboard shop. It was a beautiful morning for November. The sun was shining and it was warm outside. We voted by absentee ballot mailed overnight express to Omaha on Saturday, November 1st. We headed to the mall to find T an Obama shirt to wear tonight. We went to the summit of East Rock

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-42796415067187155012008-11-04T15:57:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.899-07:00

"Oh! There's your midwife!" It didn't register at first... Eventually my eyes focused on the couple standing in front of me and I recognized a woman I did a prenatal visit for, and who I triaged a couple weeks ago. She ended up delivering two days later. Her partner was excited to tell me that she waited until the very end to come in and she "didn't even get an epidural." She was so proud of

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-3367032887273361502008-11-03T09:15:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:21.900-07:00

I have a lot to do today (as I do every day)... It's a good day to provide a list of tasks that exemplify what midwifery school is like... Renew my CPR certification (past due, got a "turn it in NOW" email!) Put the finishing touches on a paper for class about health care policy and leadership (due now) Turn in a mock letter to the editor (due this week) Start my midwifery professional issues

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-5337367754377144652008-11-01T07:53:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.900-07:00

I am Panera, writing a paper. Trying to, anyway. This is a distraction. Hopefully when I finish this, I can get back to my paper... I'm just not in the mood to write about nursing leadership. I mailed our absentee ballots by overnight express mail this morning. They'll get there Monday, one day before they're due. It was so cool to review politics with the man. Looking up every candidate

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-77706506486699838012008-10-31T09:55:00.001-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.900-07:00

In response to comments from previous post... [::] I think I learned to never rupture before zero station, for fear of cord prolapse, except in emergencies. [::] No, we don't have continuity of care. We technically can have it with 1 patient I think, but because there are really very, very few call shifts in any given month, it never happens. (For example, I have two, yes, two, call shifts for

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-74737966848648434612008-10-31T09:55:00.000-07:002011-10-17T06:03:31.112-07:00

In response to comments from previous post...I think I learned to never rupture before 0 station for fear of cord prolapse

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-59615860029133479962008-10-29T08:51:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.900-07:00

Bellytales is back! I'm so friggin happy to see her return. The hemorrhage post is a great read for midwifery students.

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-26361451738938984012008-10-27T20:45:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.901-07:00

I hardly ever talk about my catches/ clinical experiences... LadyA: Young, obese (actually she had my BMI which really bothered me), having baby #1 with family (mom, older sister who raised her while single-parent mom worked outside the home, and equally young father of baby) LadyA was on the unit when I arrived. She was induced for "post dates" at 41 weeks... and I highly suspect that she had

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-21621163600111532272008-10-26T18:23:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.901-07:00

I love that I allow anonymous comments, I think it allows people to speak freely. This comment was left on the last post about privilege at the library. Why make it into a male/female thing? Maybe he was just asking to see if your smaller party could move. Or maybe he's just dumb. But don't get all feminist on him....and this is coming from a girl. We've got enough real issues to be mad about

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-16745287487204131142008-10-26T14:44:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.901-07:00

I made it to the library... two hours after I had planned to arrive. My study partner and I were in a study room, when in walks a guy and his friends asking if they could have the room for their group. Ummm. Well... My study partner: "mmm" Me: "Do you have the room reserved?" (It is possible, though not common, to actually reserve the study rooms for your group) Him: "No, we just have a lot

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-13133324699444586312008-10-26T08:49:00.001-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.901-07:00

I have a lot to do school-wise today. I have papers to write, thesis stuff, and at least a micro study before clinical in the morning. I was not anticipating going to clinical in the morning, so studying for that was not something I planned for until today, unfortunately. I always wonder if other students feel this drowning, sinking feeling I do about how much there is to do, and how very

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-81864007019157222132008-10-24T19:43:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.902-07:00

The midterm was tough. But of course it would be. I'm glad it's over. I actually ended up going to sleep the night before for about 6 hours, instead of studying through the night, and I am so glad that I did. We still had class after the exam and I had class the rest of the day, too. I needed those hours to be able to function. Today I went to the bookstore to browse and have a treasured

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-49851141577998860532008-10-22T08:02:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.902-07:00

My midterm is tomorrow, so today is a non-stop study fest. (Yesterday was a failed non-stop study fest... I did manage several hours though!) When I was relearning the shoulder dystocia material I was so completely shocked by the Zavanelli Maneuver... wherein you put the baby's head back into the vagina. I just kept re-reading it like no way... there's no way... just in awe, lol. Now I'm

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-71071533663264186622008-10-20T08:12:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.902-07:00

I had another interview this morning. I was encouraged by hearing this student's experiences in her program. She has faced a lot during her midwifery education but continues to push forward... quite amazingly. I can't wait to transcribe this interview and see it in print. I don't write much about the process of writing a thesis. I had initially intended to write about it regularly so that

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-12689246105702767302008-10-17T14:21:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.902-07:00

I reposted three posts from last year that deal with being a fatty girl in nursing school and practicing skills, including pelvics, on your classmates. They're listed in the archives under 2007. I put these back up because a friend, a dear blog follower, is now going through the same things that I was going through when I wrote those posts last year, and I wanted her to be able to re-read what

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-74739436094062168292008-10-16T18:56:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.903-07:00

*I wanted to highlight the last comment from Pamela because it says so much of what I was thinking in class... I wish I had had the clinical experience to say some of what is said here... My favorite accusation is the one that blames overweight women for the increase in maternal morbidity. I tell you what, gestational diabetes is a joke as it is presented. the only "GD" I accept is women on the

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-84486776561030309222008-10-16T07:15:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.903-07:00

Today I've sat through a two-hour lecture on preeclamsia and a one-hour lecture on gestational diabetes. I feel like I've had these lectures several times... and I have... but still I don't feel like I know the information. I sometimes get distracted by the conversations that happen around the topic. Today I was distracted by the tone of fat bias in the classroom, especially during the

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-55106432117952435362008-10-15T15:25:00.001-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.903-07:00

We're back home finally. I did not manage to get my license because I lacked some official paperwork I needed. I knew this would happen, and I'm glad I did a dry run. I now know where the board of nursing is and what time I need to get there (an hour before the door opens) exactly what paperwork I need, and the process that I'm going to have to follow to get this done. While walking away

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-71822338772136504832008-10-13T05:35:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.903-07:00

There is a discussion about a midwifery case that's currently in the news over at navelgazing's place. My small group decided to use this case for our ethics roundtable. We will discuss what supposedly happened in this case, and then embellished variations (which we will very clearly separate out from the actual case) to stimulate discussion. We have a very home-birth friendly cohort, so

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-50435760123271666192008-10-09T18:48:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.903-07:00

Yes, the life of a homebirth midwife is very different than the life most of my peers are headed for! What comes to mind when reading the comments of this post... which I am so grateful for, it feels good to try blogging consistently again... is, these are like two very different careers. A CNM working full time in a private office asking for her own office space is not over the top. Nor is

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-63064651993469031062008-10-07T12:42:00.001-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.904-07:00

We are experiencing what seems to be an extreme shortage of clinical space and preceptors in our program, and probably programs around the country. Students spend a massive amount of time complaining about the lack of clinical sites, especially after dishing out six figures worth of tuition, fees, and living expenses for their midwifery education. I have been somewhat silent about all of this in

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-476174207781399332008-10-06T09:42:00.001-07:002011-06-14T07:18:21.904-07:00

I had to stop my life and write today because I feel, for the first time in a while, encouraged. I just finished another interview for my thesis. For those who don't know, I am interviewing black nurse-midwifery students across the country. I remember in the beginning I was looking for other brown midwives in cyberspace, and couldn't find many, if any at all. Well, there really aren't that

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-27145016685108573322008-09-27T16:17:00.000-07:002011-10-17T06:03:31.132-07:00

I caught a baby a week ago. I forget if it was a boy or girl. It was my fourth. I couldn't speak to the woman because she had absolutely no English and I had absolutely no Spanish and the nurse assigned to her did not like me and would not let me know what she was saying in spanish to the patient all night. This was my fourth catch. I have 2.5 months left to catch another four babies. In the

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-58103355816033296832008-09-22T08:55:00.000-07:002011-10-17T06:03:31.135-07:00

[::] It feels like it's a windy day and I went out side and my purse fell open and all the little bits of paper flew out and all over the street. I need to collect all the papers back, but I have no idea which one to chase first...or even if they're worth the effort of chasing them down. There's a lot of paperwork this semester. In fact, I'm drowning in it. My planner is effective, but things

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-39911905894312736732008-09-16T08:16:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.057-07:00

I remember I used to write about feeling like I was losing my mind. I had gobs...egg white cervical mucous during ovulation type gobs... to say. Imagine, I have nothing left to say. Well, that's exactly what it feels like every time I sit down to write- and not just here on the blog, but everywhere now. I can't journal. I can't purge on a blank Word page. Nothing.

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-68828563943371993312008-09-14T10:53:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.057-07:00

School has started...and it aint all roses. But first my dream: I was driving a car, a very nice car - which is drastically different than the car we currently drive...of which the driver's side window fell out and into my hands today... I was driving this nice car down a Dr. Seuss looking road. The road was pink, and the road going the other direction was purple. They were long and narrow,

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-31052442911555265342008-08-31T12:53:00.000-07:002011-10-17T06:03:31.160-07:00

I'm one of those thinking people who lay in bed for hours trying to fall asleep unsuccessfully because of the ridiculously extreme future planning swirling around in my head. I'm also a planner. Organizer. Goal setter and writer-downer. A budgeter. A worrier. So, something is always keeping me up at night, and for the last several months the reigning question at 2 am has been: When should I

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-86270725883361297242008-08-21T14:18:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.058-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about the debt I've accumulated while in nursing/midwifery. (What's new?) As I finished my last financial aid documents for this 3 year stretch of school I felt incredibly tense. As I looked at the totals, an instant prayer for loan repayment formulated in my head. I will probably chant this prayer for the next two years as I attempt to secure it. I have always reminded

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-70361341142559067632008-08-20T10:42:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.058-07:00

This will be my last semester of classes in midwifery school! And it's the lightest load we've ever had. When I look at my schedule, I am in awe. I only have three classes and by some miracle they're all on the same day! I'm expecting for someone to say "oops, we saw how incredibly wonderful your schedule looked for this semester, and realized we forgot to tell you about a class..." on the first

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-6933977976843584272008-08-19T12:16:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.058-07:00

I'm starting fresh for the school year...without archives. I'm not going to attempt to weave all of the compartments of my life together here on this blog because, really, it's too much and I don't have the time, energy, or mental space to do that right now. I'm going back to the roots of my blog writing. I'm here to write about my experience in midwifery school, and anything that's relevant

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-70474282447801282092008-07-25T12:35:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.058-07:00

And I happen to be really happy lately.Feels so good.

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-41979405469067904362008-07-25T12:29:00.001-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.058-07:00

I'm just living inside my own head right now.Trying to nourish myself, my brain, my heart, my body.Trying to hear my own voice again.

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-28217676716852100722008-07-07T14:26:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.059-07:00

It's been a moody few days. The holiday came and I was miserably homesick. We stayed in the (dark) house the whole day and didn't venture out until 10pm to see a movie downtown. The man had bought me some sparklers, so when we came back from the movie we sat outside and I played with those and it was right at midnight by then. Back home the usual

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-39573769825209009532008-07-01T11:51:00.001-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.059-07:00

In one of the previous posts I was talking about having the final say in me and the man's relationship when it comes to child rearing...Russell wants the world to know that the same goes for the mama of his babies, so back the hell up... why do ya'll care how much money a billionaire provides his family anyway? LMAO.

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-72187522630808964102008-06-29T14:04:00.001-07:002011-10-17T06:03:31.186-07:00

I went to sleep for a long nap after that last post. Technically, we went to IHOP, brought home some Denver omelettes and carrot cake pancakes, and then fell asleep from a sugar/grease induced coma, but that's neither here nor there. h sent me this quote:

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-41385811159679898632008-06-29T05:21:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.064-07:00

What do we make of the love that strangles, chokes, brands us? The last name that branded me is one I was/am so attached to that I did not give up when I married the man. "I've known you all of 6 months...and I'm supposed to give up my name? Hell naw." "Did I ask you to give up your name?" Oh. Right. He didn't give a damn. I was just on some tangent based on what I thought he'd want. But why

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-62477466698230835462008-06-23T14:12:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.064-07:00

I didn't clarify how the ways I was t taught to love my (future) husband were/are detrimental to my own existence... it's the expectation that he comes before me - even to me. You see, it's one thing for society to think that I should put him first (which is biblical by the way - thou shall have no other god before me) but it's another thing entirely for me to believe it...for me to actually

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-68076687354499917812008-06-23T12:05:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.064-07:00

darkdaughta posted this video for me:It made me shed a few tears.I turned off the comments for the last post (and these next ones) because I'm getting somewhere in my head (and on paper) and I want to stay with it...I was thinking about how one of the things that most people say about me is that I say things bluntly...plainly. I appreciated that in myself. I'm trying to get back to that place (

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-50632277622596698732008-06-23T11:44:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.064-07:00

In these weeks, maybe since the "Transition" post - and I've been thinking more about it since I read a post over at darkdaughta's place about making sure her child has sufficient time and opportunity to be a child - I'm trying to let myself be 28, and learn and live as though I've got time to grow and figure it out. This is hard for me - I am someone who wants to know everything now and I don't

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-78226598361998107422008-06-16T16:30:00.000-07:002011-10-17T06:03:31.196-07:00

Back in February I posted the following two posts...the comments basically fell along the lines of "we don't agree...you should read the history of the program, etc..."What Makes the NHSC Application Culturally Biased? This was the question posed by an anonymous poster in the comments section of the related post. I will try to explain it here...So. The point of the NHSC is to get med/pa/cnm/

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-36327411291813824992008-06-16T11:03:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.071-07:00

Navelgazing I'm not even sure we disagree (yet). I can understand why *some* people want to adopt. I can understand bonds to children that are not biological...I have plenty of those. Like I said, I understand the pregnancy vs parenting question - just not the judgement...and those first few comments are full of judgement. Just because you found adoption/step parenting to be wonderful, that

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-36849009033509074172008-06-15T16:09:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.071-07:00

You just keep putting one foot in front of the other...one word after the other.Yeah, that was my weak ass epiphany.I was gonna write something over at darkdaughta's about how I came to love men. We've been...scratch that... I've been avoiding this conversation over at her place for months. Well, not exactly this one, but just conversation about compulsory heterosexualism and christianity and

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-22805571337413848172008-06-15T15:34:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.071-07:00

...of how I can continue to write.

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-27342112341474969302008-06-12T21:07:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.071-07:00

This article was recently printed in The New York Times:Facing Life Without Children When It Isn't by ChoiceAnd then the comments came...I think it must be a natural response to ask an infertile couple if they will adopt. I'm not sure why people can't understand that it's not the same. I understand the "do you want to raise children?" or "do you want to be pregnant?" questions, but I do not

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-41758521392785629272008-06-09T10:46:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.071-07:00

So much has happened. So much happened before I abruptly went private for the second time in my blog life. I contemplated seeing if I could sum it up in one sentence...because, really, does it matter what happened? Or is what is happening now, and what will happen in the future matter more? I freaked completely out. But before this, so much other stuff happened, including this moment in some

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-44716485221849575972008-06-09T09:55:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.072-07:00

Today I came across the blogs of several classmates. They have come into my life secondary to all the pings they've accumulated between each other as Down's Fellows and through their facebook promoting. They are not at all concerned with anonymity nor do they fear backlash for the words they choose to put to the page. Pictures abound.The first thing that came to my mind when I started reading

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-38456009920972689252008-05-13T13:21:00.001-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.072-07:00

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-13111132459923325452008-05-07T08:14:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.072-07:00

because it is utterly impossible for you to believe that orgasms are not merely of the clitoral stimulation kind...because it blows your mind that reading "white solipsism- to think imagine and speak as though whiteness described the world" for the first time sent tingles up my spinebecause even though you might not get it, you don't get in the way of my gettin' it...pun intendedthat is why, boy,

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-118935549665789622008-04-28T10:28:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.072-07:00

I want to get away from them. Seriously, their voices are like fingernails on chalkboards. I feel like I'm in an alternate universe. A Stepford wives, Pleasantville type of place. Where there is only one way of being, knowing, interacting. Where those who don't smile all day and curtsy, and pretend to care about the mundane are destined to be called mean, angry, and otherwise difficult. Where

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-53850982853510563262008-04-08T13:49:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.072-07:00

When a woman is in transition...the hardest part of labor...you can not ask her about what will happen tomorrow or the next day, or even five minutes from where she is right then. She can not hear you. She can not think of anything other than what is happening for her right then, in that moment, with that breath. When we are with laboring women, we recognize and remember this. We do not ask

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-33894113697481023602008-03-31T09:01:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.073-07:00

I'm coming back, DrJen, lol.I'm a little on the edge right now. Poked my toe in the water, but jumped back.I'm going through. Thinking. Thinking critically. Trying not to make rash decisions. This is when I should be blogging most, but this is when there's the least amount of time to do so. I also have a hard time writing coherently when my mind's on fire. But then other times it helps to

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-8784349857461577762008-03-13T14:24:00.000-07:002011-06-14T07:18:22.073-07:00

Having such a great time!Be back with a full report!LP

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-54463296045690335302008-03-03T08:29:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:22.073-07:00

Reflecting on the day I was born makes me think of my mother.At 4:32 she risked death (have I beat you over the head enough with the maternal mortality stats for black women?), insanity, and her identity to give me a chance.I got a card in the mail from my daddy. That is his way, I love it.He still sends me Valentine cards, too, no matter where or how old I am.It's such a contrast to the man who

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-12991215052416358172008-02-20T15:30:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:22.073-07:00

I see the comments...I'm happy to have them...I'll get to them soon...Right now I'm just purging stuff from my brain so I can have mental space to study for midterms, the first of which is in less than a week...We had a school event to celebrate a milestone in the program, and I was not really all that interested in going. It was on my usual work night and I had waited to the last minute to ask

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-23621208721307574132008-02-18T17:31:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:22.073-07:00

I was overwhelmed and dazed after catching the first baby a couple of weeks ago. I felt the magnitude of what was happening, and I couldn’t believe that it was finally my hands that I was looking at, catching a baby. It was amazing to watch someone’s eyes open for the first time, take their first breath. But do you all remember this post?It didn’t feel like that…I didn’t feel like that, after

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-36291877448657813862008-02-17T19:01:00.001-08:002011-06-14T07:18:22.074-07:00

I'm tired.And frustrated.And I miss people who know me.I talked to my friend/mentor the other day and, as always, I hung up thinking, yeah, we got it all wrong. We're supposed to spend the majority of our time speaking to people who ignite us. Make us think. Talking about stuff that matters to each of us specifically. Not plodding through 12 hours of task after task. The man's brother was

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-31499292990082313012008-02-14T20:35:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:22.074-07:00

I've been thinking about how I was going to write this next post. In keeping with walking squarely into my fears, here I go...The best way for me to address some of the conversation between me and U is to provide an example of how what U is saying and doing mirror what I've said and done already in my life. In doing this, I recenter the blog on me and my experiences and what I need, and less on

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-18661953717996512972008-02-14T07:30:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:22.074-07:00

"There are the subtle differences between what I read and what I see, and even then I know I'm not getting the full picture."Yep, there are, and that is why I'm tense...that's compartmentalizing...that's you getting to see me mostly masked because of the environment we're in...I am more of me, here, on this blog, than I am at school, and even so, I sensor myself on this blog... When we're

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2097208483196083328.post-43966490160695951912008-02-13T20:55:00.000-08:002011-06-14T07:18:22.074-07:00

U has left some comments on the previous post...I'm going to respond here...first, here's a glimpse of my description of U, who I have spoken of here on this blog before:I think sometimes defensiveness is a protective mechanism elicited to keep from having to feel all that stuff that you have only just been confronted with in this, your (first?) attempt at friendship with someone who shares the

minority midwifenoreply@blogger.com1